On Oct. 28, 2023, sobriety advocate and "Friends" actor Matthew Perry was found dead at his home in the Pacific Palisades area of Los Angeles. A Los Angeles Police Department spokesperson confirmed to Snopes by phone that, as of Oct. 30, a cause of death was unknown.
Following his death, users on Facebook and X virally copied and pasted text into posts that purportedly contained a quote from Perry about how he would like to be remembered. Several prominent blogs printed the same text, with some claiming it had been sourced from Perry's 2022 book about his addiction to drugs and alcohol, "Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir."
Perhaps the most important finding in our research was the fact that the viral posts truly did contain thoughts that were similar to some of Perry's own past remarks. However, at the same time, the viral message wasn't sourced as a whole from a single spoken or written passage, nor did we find the exact words printed in a digital edition of Perry's memoir. Instead, we located at least two different sources for some of the text, and we have yet to be able to trace the origins of other portions of the remarks.
In this article, we'll take a look at the viral post and then break down its origins into three parts.
The Full Post
First, here's the full post that was being shared on Facebook and X following Perry's death:
“I've had a lot of ups and downs in my life. I'm still working through it personally, but the best thing about me is that if an alcoholic or drug addict comes up to me and says, 'Will you help me?' I will always say, 'Yes, I know how to do that. I will do that for you, even if I can't always do it for myself! So I do that, whenever I can. In groups, or one on one.
And I created the Perry House in Malibu, a sober-living facility for men. I also wrote my play The End of Longing, which is a personal message to the world, an exaggerated form of me as a drunk. I had something important to say to people like me, and to people who love people like me.
When I die, I know people will talk about Friends, Friends, Friends. And I'm glad of that, happy l've done some solid work as an actor, as well as given people multiple chances to make fun of my struggles on the world wide web...
but when I die, as far as my so-called accomplishments go, it would be nice if Friends were listed far behind the things I did to try to help other people.
I know it won't happen, but it would be nice."
~Matthew Langford Perry
(August 19, 1969 - October 28, 2023)
'Ups and Downs'
To begin our breakdown of this viral post, we'll first examine the opening paragraph:
"I've had a lot of ups and downs in my life. I'm still working through it personally, but the best thing about me is that if an alcoholic or drug addict comes up to me and says, 'Will you help me?' I will always say, 'Yes, I know how to do that. I will do that for you, even if I can't always do it for myself!' So I do that, whenever I can. In groups, or one on one."
The bolded portion in the quote above truly came from an interview with Perry that was published by The Hollywood Reporter in 2015.
As for the unbolded portion, we have so far been unable to find evidence that Perry said or wrote the exact words, "'I will do that for you, even if I can't always do it for myself!' So I do that, whenever I can. In groups, or one on one."
At the same time, in an early moment (6:14) of a November 2022 episode of the Q with Tom Power podcast, Perry made this very similar remark: "The best thing about me is that I can help people if they ask me to. Wonderful things happened in my life. I'm incredibly grateful for all of them. But that's the ticket for me, is helping people on a large scale or helping one guy and seeing the light turn on and him understanding what is happening, because that's the problem."
The Perry House and 'The End of Longing'
The viral post continued:
"And I created the Perry House in Malibu, a sober-living facility for men. I also wrote my play 'The End of Longing,' which is a personal message to the world, an exaggerated form of me as a drunk. I had something important to say to people like me, and to people who love people like me."
We have so far been unable to find a source to verify if these exact remarks were written or spoken by Perry.
However, it is true that Perry created the Perry House in Malibu as a way of helping recovering addicts of drugs and alcohol, as TheFix.com reported in 2013. He also wrote and starred in his play, "The End of Longing," in which he truly did once tell the BBC that he was playing an "exaggerated form" of his "drunk" self.
We have yet to find the origins of the quote, "I had something important to say to people like me, and to people who love people like me." The two words "something important" only appeared at the end of Perry's memoir on the last page, in which he wrote about helping others to battle addiction. The last lines of the book read, "Someday you, too, might be called upon to do something important, so be ready for it. And when whatever happens, just think, 'What would Batman do?' and do that."
How Perry Wished To Be Remembered
The final portion of the viral post purportedly contained Perry's thoughts about how he wanted to be remembered:
"When I die, I know people will talk about Friends, Friends, Friends. And I'm glad of that, happy l've done some solid work as an actor, as well as given people multiple chances to make fun of my struggles on the world wide web...
but when I die, as far as my so-called accomplishments go, it would be nice if Friends were listed far behind the things I did to try to help other people.
I know it won't happen, but it would be nice."
- Matthew Langford Perry
(August 19, 1969 - October 28, 2023)
We were unable to find a source for these purported comments, word-for-word.
However, again, we found remarks that were very similar to these in the podcast episode of Q with Tom Power. The following discussion begins at around the 44-minute mark:
POWER: You said in the book, "I think you have to have all your dreams come true to realize they're the wrong dreams."
PERRY: That's...I probably stole it from Jim Carrey, I guess.
(Audience laughs)
POWER: What are the dreams now?
PERRY: The dreams now, the best thing about me bar none is that if somebody comes up to me and says, "I can't stop drinking. Can you help me?," I can say, "Yes," and follow up and do it. That's the best thing.
And, I've said this for a long time, when I die, I don't want "Friends" to be the first thing that's mentioned. I want that to be the first thing that's mentioned and I'm going to live the rest of my life proving that.
Perry's brief remark from this small part of the podcast episode – a remark different than but similar the comments shared in the viral post – was reshared as a video on X following his death:
I thought that was a quote from his book. It’s not, he said it on stage. #matthewperry pic.twitter.com/IzCXAYp9rZ
— Jamie East (@jamieeast) October 29, 2023
At the end of the podcast episode, Power read Perry a question from the audience: "Tiffany asks how you would like to be remembered."
Perry answered: "I would like to be remembered as somebody who lived well, loved well, was a seeker and his paramount thing is that he wants to help people. That's what I want."
If any readers uncover further source material for the viral post attributed Perry, please don't hesitate to contact us.